Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
