he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Randomize
