i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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