I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize
