Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
