also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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