I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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