Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
