My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize