You're so nebulous sometimes
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
