Who wears a wallet chain?!
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
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