every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize
