His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
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