Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
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