Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
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