exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
