; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Randomize
