i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
These tits shall not be calmed
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
