we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
barbara walters just said penis...
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
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