I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
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