I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
dude. I can hear the air.
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