I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
