kristin has been a bad kristin
I feel great
I just peed on a car
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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