in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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