I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
