We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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