Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
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