is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
I smell like Dick and happiness
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
