Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
