my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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