I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
