you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
