do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize