You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
