Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
I think I am morally bankrupt
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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