I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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