omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
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