so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
Sober January is a disaster.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
