Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
