I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
