I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
