4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Randomize
