im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Randomize
