I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Randomize
