Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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