What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize