we need to drink 2009 down the drain
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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