so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
