You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
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