My liver just broke up with me...
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
