Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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