i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
