put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Randomize
