just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Semen is not good for contacts.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
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