and you said cock pushups were impossible
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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