if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Randomize
