wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
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