I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
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