I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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