Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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