this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
