Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
