i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
