I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
