A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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