I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Randomize
