wrigley field is MILF paradise
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
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