I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
