There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
