I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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