I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
