5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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