I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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