So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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