She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Every concussion has its silver lining
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Randomize
