Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
You took a bar mat shot.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
