I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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