I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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