my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
