i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
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